Drunk Older Guy: I turned my chair around!!
Me: Hello. I’m sorry, what?
DOG: I turned my chair around!!
Me: I’m not sure what you mean.
DOG: You know, like on The Voice! Your voice is so AWEsome.
Me: Thank you so much.
DOG: You should be on TV. You should be on The Voice. Your voice is incredible.
Me: Well, that’s very kind of you, sir.
DOG: No really, I mean it. You should be on The Voice. How come you’re not on The Voice?
Me: That’s very kind of you.
DOG: You should audition for The Voice!
Me: Well, truthfully, I did audition for The Voice and I made it through a couple of rounds but was not chosen.
DOG: Naaaaaaw, that’s not true.
Me: It’s true.
DOG: That can’t be true. They didn’t pick you? That’s crazy, that can’t be true!
Me: Yep, it’s true.
DOG: Well I don’t know why, that’s just CRAZY!
Me: Well, honestly the show isn’t only about how good your voice is. It’s also about your story line, and my story is pretty boring. I work really hard, I love making music and love I my friends and my life. Doesn’t really make for good TV.
DOG: Well, I guess I never thought about that. It’s still crazy, though! You should make up a story!
Me: I suppose I could.
DOG: Well you should be on The X Factor. Or how American Idol?
Me: I’m too old for American Idol.
DOG: Oh yeah, that’s right. Well you should be on America’s Got Talent then!
Me: Thanks, I’ll look into it.
DOG: How much are your CDs?
Me: $15.
DOG: Oh.
Long pause…
DOG: Well that’s too much because I gotta buy the main band’s CD.
Me: Well ok.
DOG: $15 is just too much.
Me: Ok, sir.
DOG: I gotta buy their CD.
Me: I suppose that’s up to you.
DOG: Do you know how much their CDs are?
Me: No, sir I don’t sell their CDs.
DOG: Well I can’t buy yours. But I’ll buy you a drink later!
Me: No thank you.
Long pause…
DOG: Can you sign my jacket?

Facepalm Cover

This selection is copyrighted by Beth Wood and has been published by Mezcalita Press, LLC.